.026 Ease, ability, order.

• Ease- lack of difficulty: lack of difficulty in doing or achieving something.
• Ability- being able: a natural tendency to do something successfully or well.
• Order- functioning condition: the condition something is in when it is functioning properly. 
• Dis- prefix: to deprive of, remove from.

So, I recently wrote about my health.

To not go into too much detail about it, I will say this- what we thought was one disorder/disease is actually two.  At least two.

Two invisible, incurable, crippling disabilities.  At least two.

Don’t take any kind of ease, ability and order for granted… ever.  One day, they may just removed, and you may just be deprived of them…

Some days I wish I were normal.

Take care,

-Lucy

.025 Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Who says you have to put a peanut butter on bread for it to be considered a meal?

I say… straight off the spatula!!!

Yes, I said spatula.  We use a lot of peanut butter in my house, so we buy the really big jars.  As in, the bottom covers my open hand almost entirely.

Ooo… and with strawberry preserves!!!

And if it must be on bread, make it wheat bread!!!

Yes, I am a bit loony, but oh well.  Peanut butter is one of my “comfort foods”.

In my family, there are two kinds of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

There are my mom’s, which have toasted bread with a thin layer of butter on all four sides, and a thin layer of peanut butter, and a thin layer of grape jelly.

Then there’s my dad’s.  The bread is just there to hold the peanut butter and jelly there, so who bothers to toast it?  And who puts butter on their peanut butter and jelly sandwhich?  Glop a thick layer of peanut butter on each piece of bread, and a really big glop of strawberry preserves (because grape jelly is for kids) in the middle, and try to eat it without the insides splooshing out.  This usually involves pulling the crust off of one side with your teeth and eating it, and then sucking out the filling that wants to fall out (mostly jelly with some peanut butter), and then carefully taking bites of the sandwich.  You’ll likely have to slurp up more gooey goodness as you go.  You also can’t put this sandwich down because the top will slide right off of the bottom!

Mine is similar to my dad’s, but on a much more managable level.  I’ve also been known to go with peanut butter and honey (usually open-faced on toast), peanut butter and banana, and peanut butter and apple.

I wish I had something more interesting to tell you.

Take care,

-Lucy.

.024 Seven things on my mind.

[.01] 
So… it’s been a while.
Lucy has been a busy gal this summer.
But… her life should begin to settle soon.  Then she can get busy with the writing.
And now Lucy shall stop referring to herself in the third person.

[.02]
I’ve been thinking a lot about how to write here.  You see, I want to be honest and real in my writing.  But, as this is an anonymous blog, I don’t want to be “found out”, so to speak.  Please be patient while I try to figure this out.

[.03]
Recently, I’ve been going through some of my older work, and I’ve discovered something: I never like my own writing.
I don’t know why this is, but I am never, ever happy with my own work.  It could always be better, always be improved, is never as good as such-and-such… and I can live with that.  I know I’m my own worst critic, and that’s okay.  But how in the world am I supposed to know what’s good and what really is as awful as I think it is?  Hmm.
I suppose that the practical answer would be to show some people and get opinions… but that would involve letting people read my work, wouldn’t it?  Dilemmas, dilemmas. 

[.04]
Apparently, I’m a decent inspirational speaker.  At a few of the seminars I’ve attended this year, I’ve been a kind of “guest speaker” and given short talks about the lessons I’ve learned in life, and people always come up to me afterwards and tell me how much they loved what I had to say and how they were deeply touched by such-and-such story… it’s actually rather overwhelming.  I mean to say, I am thrilled to the core that I can have that kind of effect on people, but it’s so strange to have friends (many being heroes of mine) look up to me as a leader… it’s a heavy responsibility!
The first time I realized that responsibility, I had a meltdown.  An honest, painful, bawling-my-eyeballs-out meltdown.  Two of my friends came to me and prayed with me and reminded me that God doesn’t hand you what you can’t handle- as trite or cliche as that may sound, it made all of the difference.  Knowing that all of me- the good and the bad- is in the hands of the God of the universe.  The hands that made everything out of nothing can make something out of what I have to offer.  Amen?
Amen.

[.05]
Today was my first day of physical therapy.  I have a disability that affects my balance, and this was supposed to help.  And it might have, if my diagnosis was right.  The exercises they had me do should have made me dizzy (to test the severity of my disability), and none of them did!  This means that I may not have what the doctor said I have, and we may be back at square one.
I have no words for how frustrating this feeling is.  I’ve been dealing with these health issues for about three or four years, and finally had a diagnosis this year… even some ways to help control it!  And now… all I have is a list of things it isn’t and a list of symptoms that make no sense.
Oh well, nineteen more sessions in which to figure things out.

[.06]
I put too many tags on my entries.  I don’t know why, I just do.  Is that weird?

[.07]
So, I now have much blog-reading to catch up on.

Take care,

-Lucy

.023 Chaos, Muses, and Blue Men

Currently, I am reminded of a book I first read when I was nine or ten, titled ”Absolutely Normal Chaos“, and which was written by Sharon Creech.  I re-read this book many times over the following years.  I tried to find an online review to do the book justice, but didn’t have much luck, so I hope that this excerpt does the job.

The book is written as the summer journal of thirteen-year-old Mary Lou Finney.  It’s a nice book and I would certainly reccomend it, particularly to girls somewhere between ten and fifteen.

The particular part of this book that came to mind today is from the entry ‘Thursday, June 28th”.  To get her mind off of some stuff she’s dealing with, she decides to work on one of her summer assignments, which is to read Homer’s Odyssey.  She writes:

“I tried to read The Odyssey today, but I couldn’t get past the first couple of pages.  Homer writes so strangely.  He begins, “Tell me, O Muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy.”  Doesn’t that sound a little much?

Fortunately, I knew what a Muse was from English last year.  A Muse is a goddess who sits around inspiring people whenever she feels like it.  If you’re telling a story and don’t feel too inspired, you’re supposed to call on the Muse for help.  It looks like Homer needed some help right from the start.  If I were Homer, I don’t think I’d admit that right at the beginning of the story.“

Any time I am tempted to start a blog with, “Not much has happened”, or “I don’t have anything interesting to say”, or “I don’t know what to write”, I think of that passage.  If I have nothing to write, why bother telling people?

And now for something completely different.

This summer, during my various travels, I had the opportunity to see the Blue Man Group.  If you ever have the opportunity to see them, take it.  It was the most bizarre, strange, and interesting theater/concert experience I’ve ever taken part in.  If you need convincing, check out these videos (beware, there’s a lot of them)!

I’m not much of a ‘greenie’, but this is a great ad for enviromental awareness.  This is the live performance version of the same bit.  And this is the same performance concept, but a different skit. 

This is an ‘experimental’ video shoot, or something like that, done in a subway.  This is a little bit about what the shows are about… there’s all of these psycological aspects that are just facinating about the way these shows are done. 

This clip is one of their music videos, “Sing Along”, with Dave Matthews featured on vocals and guitar.  You get a good look at a few trademark Blue Man instruments.  This is another music video, this time featuring Gavin Rossdale, called “The Current,” which has something to do with one of the Terminator movies.

This Intel commmerical is based on a classic Blue Man bit.  This is the bit it’s based on, as performed on the Berlin Music awards.    This is another commericial, this time for some kind of keyboard toy. 

This one is Ellen DeGeneres helping the Blue Men hold “auditions”… it’s long, but watch to the end and you’ll see her help them play Drumbone, it’s funny.  This clip talks a bit about their instruments.  This bit is long, but good- it’s a ‘behind the music’ special about their first CD.  This clip is actually the ‘making of’ a new bit for their Orlando show, and you actually get to see the Blue Men out of costume in rehearsal, which is a bit bizarre to see once you’re used to them actually looking like Blue Men.

Well, that’s all.

Take care,

-Lucy

.022 Still here.

Still alive.

Still well.

Still busy as a bee.

I promise to write more and respond to comments when my schedule slows down a touch.

Sending you my love!

Take care,

Lucy

.021 Hectic life

My life has been abducted by alien-zombies of the planet Stop-Procrastinating-And-Get-A-Move-On-Lucy-You-Lazy-Bum.  I will be a LOT less active here for the next few weeks than I have been thus far because I will be far more active in my physical realm of being… but never you fear, I shall return!

In other news, I FINALLY finished a short story.  I’m semi-proud of it… though I’m not sure it’s best suited for short-story form.  There is sooooo much more I want to put into it.  Off to rewrite!

Take care,

Lucy

.020 A little bit about Lucy

Post number twenty.  Perhaps you’d like to know more about me?  A friend sent me this questionairre.

Feel free to ask your own questions if you find these do not suffice.

Do you have any pets?
Yes.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Yellow.

Name three things that are physically close to you:
Keyboard, coffee mug, banana peel.

What is the last book you read?
Re-read the fifth and sixth Harry Potter books.

Bluegrass or rap?
Bluegrass, by a mile.

Are you or were you a good student?
Mostly.

What’s your favorite sport?
Dance.

Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Not really.

What’s the weather like right now?
Hot.

Who tells the best jokes?
My whole family has this great sense of humor that I love.

What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I don’t remember.  I know I dreamt something last night, but I’ve already forgotten it.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
I drive people crazy

Do you believe in karma?
No.

Do you believe in luck?
Not in the four-leaf-clover sense.

Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
Eggs make me ill.

Do you collect anything? If so, what?
Dust.

Are you proud of yourself?
I take pride in He who is in me.

Are you reliable?
Not as much so as I’d like to be.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
The few times I’ve come across them, I’ve had no money on me.

What’s your favorite food?
Right at this very moment I’m chicken or shrimp alfredo.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?
None that were really “secret” that I know of… one person claims he was a secret admirer, but everyone knew he liked me.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
No.

Do like to draw?
I enjoy it, though I’m not very skilled at it.

What’s your favorite invention?
I’m not sure.

Is your room messy?
Moreso than it should be.

What do you like better: oranges or apples?
Apples for eating, orange juice for drinking.

Do you give in easily?
I try to not be a pushover, but some people do enjoy walking all over me.

Are you a good guesser?
Absolutely not.  Probably the worst there ever was.

Can you read other people’s expressions?
Only if they’re really being obvious or if I know them really well.

Are you a bully?
Pretty much the opposite… It’s easy to bully me.

Do you have a job?
Yes, but I’m looking for a new one.

What time did you wake up this morning?
Nine.  My alarm didn’t go off.

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
A banana, coffee, and water.

When was the last time you showered?
Before the next time I’ll shower.

What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
Writing something.

What’s your favorite day of the week and why?
Any day I hear from someone I love.

Do you have any nicknames?
Well, I can’t tell you.  I will, however, tell you about my pseudonym, Lucetta.  Lucetta  is a less common version of the name Lucille, which means “light”.  Lucille Ball is a favorite actress of mine.  Lucy is the name of one of my favorite literary characters.

Have you ever been scuba diving?
Not yet.

What’s your least favorite color?
Hmm… It’s not necessarily a “color” that I’ll dislike, but a shade of a color.  I don’t like certain muddy shades, and I really don’t like neon or dayglo colors for the most part.

Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
These three friends whom I love very much.

Would you ever go skydiving?
Not right now… maybe someday.

What toothpaste do you use?
I just switched to something new, but I can’t remember what.

Do you enjoy challenges?
Some.

What’s the worst injury you have had?
As uncoordinated as I am, I’ve never broken a bone or had an injury that required surgery.  I did do something to my nose in elementary school, that was pretty painful.  We’re still not sure what I did.

What’s the last movie you saw?
Some sappy made-for-TV-movie.

What do you want to know about the future?
Not much.

What does your last text message say?
I think it said “Lol”.

Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
I don’t remember.

What’s your favorite school subject?
I’m not in school.  But I’d have to say the subjects that involved creative writing.

What’s your least favorite school subject?
Math and mathematical science.

Would you rather have money or love?
Love, a thousand times over.

What is your dream vacation?
Travelling Europe or Australia, or the East Coast.

What is your favorite animal?
Butterflies.

Do you miss anyone right now?
Oh, dear.  This could be a long list.

What’s the last sporting event you watched?
I think I watched part of a baseball game with my dad.

Do you need to do laundry?
Not at the moment.

Do you listen to the radio?
Not much.

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was at home with my sisters and mother.  I was making a necklace while my mom read a book to us.  My dad came running downstairs and said that he’d just heard on the radio that someone thought one of the Twin Towers had collapsed.  We turned on the news and watched the second plane hit.  We had the news on almost non-stop for the next few months.  By chance, my choir had already been set to perform on that following Sunday at church, and the dress code was all black.  We sang “A mighty fortress is our God” and “The Star Spangled Banner”.  We might have also sang “Amazing Grace”.

What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
I don’t use vending machines.

Have you ever caught a butterfly?
No, but one landed on me once.

What color are your bed sheets?
I have a few sets.  My favorites are blue with yellow stars.

What’s your ringtone?
Some cheezy thing that came with the phone.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My dad, I think.

Do you have any obsessions right now?
I have two big trips coming up that I can’t stop thinking about.

Do you like things that glow in the dark?
Yes.  I had glow-in-the-dark dolphins and stars on my ceiling for years!

What’s your favorite fruity scent?
I’m not sure.

Do you watch cartoons?
No.

Have you ever sat on a roof?
No, sadly.

Have you ever been to a different country?
Not yet.

Name three things in the world you dislike:
Injustice, poverty, depression.

Name three people in the world you dislike:
I won’t lie to you and say that no one came to mind… but it’s not right to announce it to the world.

Has a rumor even been spread about you?
Yes.

Do you like sushi?
I don’t know.

Do you believe in magic?
“…in a young girls heart!”

Do you hold grudges?
Not if I can avoid it.

Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No, but when I was seven, a policeman stopped my sister, a friend of ours, and I, and gave us little plastic deputy badges.

Do you have any weird sleeping habits?
I curl up on my side and put my hands under my neck like a little kid.

When was the last time you’ve been swimming in a lake?
Last summer, I think.

Would you rather sleep with someone, or alone?
I don’t like people in my bed, but I do like having a roommate.

Do you consider yourself creative?
So I’ve been told.

Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I don’t know, I didn’t follow the case.

Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears?
I don’t care.

Do you stay friends with your ex?
I only have one, and in that case, no.

Do you know how to play poker?
I’ve tried, but I’m not any good.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yes.

What’s your favorite commercial?
I don’t know.

What type of food do you eat the most?
Canned soup.

When was the last time you had a lot of fun?
July first.

Have you ever had a Choco Taco?
A what?

The Boston Red Sox or the New York Yankees?
I don’t care.

What kind of car do you drive?
Whatever I can.

How often do you remember your dreams?
I always remember them immediately after waking.  If I try to relive the dream a few times before getting out of bed, I can usually remember it… if not, it’s gone before breakfast.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
The last week of May.

What is your biggest fear?
I’m not quite sure.

What’s the one thing on your mind right now?
The people I miss.

Do you put salt on a turkey dinner?
Eww.

Do you always wear your seat belt?
Pretty much.

What cell service do you use?
Yes.

Are you taking a Vacation this summer?
I’ve taken two, and I’m taking at least two more   I’ve never been this busy in my life!

Have you ever almost gotten into a car accident?
Yes.

What do you wear to bed?
PJs.  Usually cotton pants and a teeshirt.

Been caught stealing?
When I was four, my mom caught me after I stole suspenders from a store.

Do you know how to play pool?
Yes, but the practical application is a different story.

Do you like scary movies?
Not particularly.

Do you truly love someone?
Yes, several someones.

If you could meet with one famous person, who would it be?
Jesus.

Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole?
Skim.

Windows or Macintosh?
Windows, currently.  Maybe someday a Mac.

Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Never had the need.

Have you ever sung in front of the mirror?
Many times.

Last person who slept in your bed?
Me.

Take care,

Lucy

.019 Tickling the ivories

Once upon a time, in a land that is probably far, far away from where you are (though it is not far, far away from where I am), I tried to learn the piano.

Never able to afford proper lessons, but determined all the same, I took group lessons, five days a week for nine weeks in elementary school.  All we really learned was how to play simple melodies, but at least I could play.

Through the years, my parents gave me a keyboard books to teach myself with.  I learned to play a little more… enough that I could read the treble staff, and could sort of read the bass staff, and could, after much practice, play more than one key at a time.

At some point- I’m not sure when- I stopped playing.  It wasn’t a concious decision, or even one I realized I had made.  I had reached a plateau, and seemed unable to move any further in my studies without the aid of a teacher (which, as I said before, is out of my budget).

Last night I was dog-sitting for a friend.  As I was about to leave, the old upright piano in her living room caught my eye.  I approached it, even then wondering why I bothered to do so, and lowered myself onto the creaky, old chair that served as a bench.  I looked at the sheet music in front of me- a simple piece, much like the ones I was playing when I gave up.  I set my fingers on the keys, and allowed them to rest there for a moment, letting them try to remember the past.

Slowly, akwardly, I stumbled through the piece, as well as a few others in the book.  I’m positive that I butchered them all, but the fact that I was playing again made them beautiful to me.

Last summer, my sister and some friends happened across a student’s piano that was being given away.  They literally dragged it several blocks to a friend’s home, who drove it across town to my house.  It is in quite a sorry state- desperately out of tune, with some keys dropped down and others that stick.  One of these days, I may just have it fixed.  And maybe… just maybe… I’ll drag out my old piano books and see where the music takes me.

Take care,

Lucy

.018 Pages turn.

Today, my best friend moved away.

We’ve always known this day would come, and now it has.

I always thought I’d cry… I didn’t. 

We did promise to write and email as often as humanly possible, though.

And thus, a new chapter.

Take care,

Lucy

.017 Oh, the hearts that break.

I spent a few hours last night consoling a heartbroken friend.  I must say, he unknowingly helped me nurse my own emotional aches.

Why do people hurt the ones they say they love?  And why to they then turn around and insist on remaining friends?  Why do the ones being hurt stand there and take it?

It seems like everyone’s singing the same lyrics, but to a different tune.  We’re all trying to hit the right notes, but they’re awfully high.  We’re always trying to find the right harmonies, but they’re so hard to hear in all of the other noise.

I’m going to go see this friend in August, but he doesn’t know it yet (oo, I’m sneaky!).  I just hope that I’ve been or can be some kind of help to him.

Oh, the hearts that break.  All to often, they are the hearts that least deserve breaking.

Take care,

Lucy